The key to longevity in any relationship is to make it clear that you're neither threatened nor resentful about your partner's distinct interests. By encouraging your partner to pursue his or her interests, you will strengthen your togetherness. And by assuring him or her that you love spending time together while making it clear that his or her hobbies and interests are also important, you remove the guilt trip.
It's even more helpful if you clarify that you can——and will——find enjoyable things to occupy your time when apart, freeing him or her up to enjoy the time spent apart.
Just be sure that you don't say one thing but show you really mean something else; that's manipulative and will result in resentment. Bond by doing things your partner enjoys. By showing a willingness to be interested in his or her endeavours beyond your own interests, you establish that you aren't obsessive about forcing your partner to "join only your clubs" and that you're not jealous of his or her interests.
While you don't have to continue participating directly in your partner's interests, displaying an initial interest and making it clear that you respect his or her choice will go a long way to proving that you can handle any differences between the two of you and that you won't turn alternative interests into a guilt-trip.
It might be as simple as helping him or her to find a place, a club, an item or a book——whatever the interest is——to get things started. Then, give him or her the space to enjoy the interests without being crowded by you. Know when to back off. Learn a little body language so that you can note when he or she is feeling a bit crowded or cheesed off about spending too much time together.
Indicators might include turning away from you, not making eye contact and refusing to cuddle or touch as usual. Verbally, you may hear sighs, mumbling or sounds of derision when you suggest spending time together on that occasion.
Don't presume the worst but equally, don't ignore the signs——ask what's wrong and be very open to hearing the answer.
Listen attentively to what your partner explains and listen also for what's not said. It should be fairly clear to you that this is an issue about wanting more space and rather than feeling threatened, try to respond with openness and a willingness to find solutions.
Listen to what your gut instinct is telling you. Most times, it'll be plain as day that the excessive time spent together is at the core of the discontentment. Don't play coy or naive; facing the matter is much fairer on both of you.
If you feel your partner is pulling away, don't force yourself on him or her more. It may be tempting to cling even more but you'll need to resist this response.
Let go and have faith in the one you love. Be bold and suggest some time apart for a few hours or days. Let him or her know you're available as soon he or she wants to catch up again.
In the meantime, find other things to do with your time. If you really must talk over what's happening and he or she isn't ready to do so yet, talk to someone you can trust, in very broad terms so as not to give away your intimate trust.
Simply talking it through might help you to realize that you're overreacting. Trust your partner. If lack of trust is at the heart of your obsessiveness, the relationship is doomed and the obsessiveness will only increase over time.
If you have trust issues, deal with them before they eat you up and establish an unhealthy pattern toward all of your relationships. While someone may have breached your trust in the past, assuming that every person will do the same thing to you restricts your opportunity to discover that trust is more often returned than not.
Many people, when given trust, will feel so deeply grateful for the trust placed in them that they'll do anything to repay it in kind. Ultimately though, if you don't trust your partner, you have a bigger problem than obsession and you really shouldn't be in the relationship.
Either you trust your partner, or you don't——which is it to be? Method 3. Pace yourselves. Marriage is not on the cards on the first date and it may never be. Viewing yourself as "Mrs Jones" before you even know the other person is obsessive. Avoid trying to rush things too fast, avoid less-than-subtle mentions of biological clocks and how much you'd love to have children some day soon , and avoid making hints about getting engaged or what you'd wear at your dream wedding.
For the sake of your relationship's healthiness, let it unfold in good time without the expectations of "forever". For all you know, it might turn out to be forever but equally, it might just be a wonderful relationship for this point-in-time; either way, trying to move things too fast will easily destroy it.
Be careful about giving gifts and when you give them. Gift giving can give the impression of an attempt to tie someone down if it occurs too early in a relationship. Moreover, giving something expensive too early can make some one feel uncomfortable and "bound" to you, and giving gifts which may be inappropriate will simply be embarrassing.
Stop calling, texting and checking up all of the time. When obsession drives you to keep calling and texting 24 hours a day, checking up on your partner, you've turned jail keeper and your lover is imprisoned. It's okay to call once and see how his or her day is, but if you're calling every couple of hours, this could reinforce his or her belief that you have nothing else going on in your life and surely you don't want to seem like you have nothing better to do?
People are attracted to interesting people, not those at a loose end. If it becomes clear that the only thing you've got going in your life is him or her, then he or she will lose interest; it's too big a responsibility to make up for someone's lack of self-esteem. So, turn off that phone, shut yourself out of the email and IM, and find something else to occupy yourself with, like going for a walk, catching up with friend or family member, taking a nap, doing a workout or learning something new see above.
Never turn stalker. A lack of trust coupled with obsessive neediness might compel you to tail your lover. Nothing is more likely to turn him or her off you than this sort of behavior and if it seems threatening to your lover, you could find yourself being charged for stalking.
Don't follow your partner anywhere that he or she claims to be going to——you will be noticed eventually and it sends an instant message that you don't trust him or her.
For most relationships, stalking is the death knell. Set up days or times to reconnect after spending time apart. This is simple and very effective. After asking for time apart, set up a time and day to reconnect. For instance, if one of you wants to hang out with friends for the day, suggest that you meet up later for dinner.
Or, suggest a time the following day, and an activity, in which the both of you could get together. This gives both people in the relationship permission to enjoy their time apart, while also giving each of you a grounding point, or rather a reassurance in knowing you will see the other person and they wish to see you.
Make sure that your desire to spend time apart does not turn into an argument. Spending time apart can turn into a sensitive topic, especially if the other person feels that it's an attempt to detach for good.
Make it absolutely clear that this is about ensuring that both of you have time to enjoy as an individual so that time spent back together is refreshed and renewed.
Create endpoints in your dates, to ensure that time spent together truly is about quality and not quantity. Surround your date time with activities either side, as well as regular commitments.
This way you are restoring the balance to the time spent together rather than letting yourself just hang around endlessly, ignoring the things that really do need your attention. For instance, say you want to hang out with your date during the afternoon. Suggest a time and ask that your date drop you off at your house after the outing, making it clear that you've something else to be doing by that time.
This prevents the date from running into overtime and lets both of you have freedom to do something more. It also allows each of you to open the dialogue about spending longer dates together where appropriate should the times you're setting seem too short. Dating an obsessive lover could be very dangerous. Here are some signs to check if you are dating an obsessive lover.
You should reconsider being with a person who emotionally blackmails or threatens you to be with him because the person knows how he can use your love as a weapon to manipulate you. In a healthy relationship, no partner must be forced to experience or witness such a bizarre and toxic show of love.
A relationship is all about trust. But there are some people who have this habit of keeping track of their lover's activities. And thanks to social media, stalking a person is as easy as keeping track of activities in your own home. The stalking behaviour of your lover can start with something simple like tracking your live location using GPS for your safety to something as intense as landing at your friend's party without any invitation just because he wants to be with you.
Remember, this toxic behaviour of your lover should not be confused with concern and love. This is a sign that you are dating a highly insecure person and insecurity can turn people into obsessive lovers. Most relationships have a picture-perfect beginning where the lovers want to share every detail of their daily life with each other.
However, there are exceptions where this care to know about each other is replaced with overdependency. Does your partner often demand your attention for every minute thing? Such clingy behaviour can be considered a red flag. We all seek attention at some point in time but it doesn't mean your partner has the right to spam your inbox with irrelevant messages or incessantly call you throughout the day just to be in touch with you.
The desire to be in constant touch with a lover is a subtle sign of obsessive behaviour. Take it as a warking sign if your partner gets offended or grows jealous for trivial reasons like someone complimenting you or you spending an evening with friends. Jealousy and insecurity get worse when a person starts acting suspiciously to satisfy his whims and fancy. It's better to avoid such people. It's never fun to have someone breathing down your neck, right?
It can be also very irritating when your lover spends too much time with you leaving you with no opportunity to socialise with anyone else, including friends and family. A person who has no respect for your space should have no place in your life, right? Please Click Here to subscribe other newsletters that may interest you, and you'll always find stories you want to read in your inbox. A weekly guide to the biggest developments in health, medicine and wellbeing delivered to your inbox.
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Back to Top. Select a City Close. Your current city: Mumbai Mumbai search close. All Bombay Times print stories are available on. We serve personalized stories based on the selected city OK. Go to TOI. The Times of India. One of the big giveaways that someone is too obsessed with you is their need to bully your movements. And if by not telling her you make her panic and fuel her attempts to curb you even more, you know you have a problem.
Even if she asks in a joking manner, it's a sign of something more serious bubbling away in that cauldron of a brain. There is nothing too wrong with talking about marriage. For some couples, the conversation only comes up when you're both feeling like it might be time to take the next step. We know marriage is a huge commitment. Marriage may be a gift or a curse, but remember, it's only her obsession that is causing her to mention it now.
Most of us want a passionate relationship full of fun, smiles, energy, color, and, of course, sex. But one of the best times to gauge whether or not she is too obsessed is when she puts on her kissing face. To know their family, however, is a whole different ball game. And there is an unspoken rule, if broken, may suggest that the girl you are with is fast becoming fixated on you: a you invite the girl to meet your family; she must not invite herself, and b this will not take place within four weeks of the beginning of the relationship.
Top Tip: If she asks to meet your family — and by doing so she has contravened one of the rules — deny the request. Her reaction will tell you all you need to know. Talking about previous relationships can make us feel both awkward and uneasy.
A super obsessive girl may have another reason for asking. If she asks you about your most recent ex-girlfriends, she'll want to hear that none was as pretty or as passionate as she is.
However, she will also want to know their names in order to keep up to speed with their locations and their proximity to you. Perhaps she talks not just of marriage, but of children and growing old together, too. Many women see child-bearing as their purpose in life at the expense of all other worldly pleasures. Many men, on the other hand, not so much. So we are instantly at loggerheads with our lovers on what perhaps is the most fundamental of human endeavors. Although such conversations may be had over the course of your first few months together, they don't necessarily take place in the first few days or weeks of a relationship.
If you find that you are being asked such questions, you must retreat gracefully, pack your bags, and leave. Top Tip: Honesty is the best policy.
Complain with your head held high that you are in no position to talk about rearing her brood, at least until you find a decent job. A physical control over you in your daily activities is not enough for the banana-split obsession. She will try at any opportunity to devour your soul.
Imagine you are sitting quietly in your sitting room with 10 questions running through your mind relating to how your girl may be too obsessed. Then she enters the room, and with a smile, asks you what you're thinking about. But she forgets that it's neither possible to know the thoughts of another, nor is it advisable. After all, they are only thoughts.
And in your head is where they will remain.
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